Thursday, January 5, 2012

Letting go

Today I burned the Kosovo letters. Jordan's deployment to Kosovo was the hardest thing so far that our marriage has gone through. I kept the letters I wrote to Jordan, hating him, and begging him to stop hurting me. The pain and anguish of those months were written down and the words just tortured me by existing. I needed to get rid of them. Throwing the book away didn't provide the feeling of finality that I was seeking. Burning them and watching them float away in the smoke and ashes was more symbolic and helped me let go.

It's really good. I feel relieved. I feel like I don't have to expect in the future to run into that book again and have to re live that pain.

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