God I am such a wreck. I mean I am doing my best at keeping it together around him at least. I don't want him to think that this is going to be like last year. I don't want him to ever worry about me leaving him again. I don't want him to worry about my sanity here. I don't want him to worry about me at all. I want to reassure him that I have this all covered and I've got it all together. I do feel so transparent though. I mean I try so hard to put on this supportive, understanding smile all the while inside, I'm screaming and crying and begging him not to go.
Ugh I know that this gets easier. I know that I will be okay, but I am dreading these next few weeks because I know that it's going to get much much MUCH worse before it gets better.
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