freak out

What am I going to do? How am I going to do this again? WHY did I let him join the marines???? I don't want to feel the pain again. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I don't want to come home to an empty, quiet house. I don't want to make dinner by myself or decorate the house by myself. I don't want to go shopping by myself. I don't want to be along. Oh god I don't want to be alone. The mere thought of it literally sends chills of terror down my spine. Jordan is my rock. He's always there for me. He's always here for me. I've JUST gotten used to life with him home! Why are they taking him away from me again?!?!

Everytime I think, He's leaving next week, a million thoughts flood through my head. "There's so much to do before he leaves. We still have to organize the garage, clean the bedrooms out, clean out the cars, rearrange the living room, put the holiday things in the attic, get some groceries, stain the kitchen furniture..." I feel like I'm going to explode. I feel like...I don't even know what I feel like. But I'm NOT going to be fine. I'm going to be the exact opposite of fine, actually. I'm going to be hysterical. Very much like I am right now.