Dreaming

I woke up in a cold sweat. I was scared and my heart was racing. I had tears in my eyes. I dreamed that he was gone again.

I dreamed that I was sitting on the couch, by myself, and I was alone again. Jordan was back in afghanistan. I felt the hard, constant, haunting ache in my heart of his absence. I felt the pathetic, weak hope of his return, and the nightmare of something ever happening to him and being completely powerless to stop it.


I know this deployment is coming. It's coming like a big black snake in the midst of the night. I don't know how I will prepare myself for this again.