Just

I don't know.

I used to be amazing. I used to have confidence and poise and integrity. I used to be beautiful inside and out, but mostly on the inside. I used to be so beautiful. I loved and I cared and I treasured. I was loyal and complete. I was strong and I was bold. I didn't waver. I knew what I wanted and I knew where I was going.

Then the summer happened. Jordan went to Kosovo, he then proceded to break and break and break my heart. By deprioritizing our relationship and treating me like I was nothing to him.

Over the course of those seven months, it slowly got to me. Slowly eating me, slowly changing me into something I don't recognize. I'm so angry now. I'm so so very angry. Not just at him, at the world, at myself, at everything. I'm not just angry. I'm sad. I'm sad and miserable and lonesome. I feel the presences all around me and I know that I'm not, but I still feel incredibly alone. I feel like an idiot. I look back at the last summer and I hate that I let myself become what I am today. I really really really hate that, which of course brings me back to anger. With the hate, comes the anger.

I feel like he owes me. God...isn't that so sick? It's so selfish, it's so wrong, I just can't help but feel that way. I feel like because of what he did to me, all the pain and bullshit that he put me through, he owes me something. I feel like I can do whatever the hell I want to him, because he hurt me so badly.