Today

This is the last day of this deployment. It's customary for me to go on a long tangent about all that I've learned from this experience and how much of an impact it made on my life. So I guess I'll start with what I learned.



Without being sarcastic or snitty, I've learned that my husband is not who I thought he was. I've learned my boundaries as well as the boundaries of this marriage. I've learned what true pain, real, heartbreaking, you're-sure-you'll-never-be-whole-again pain feels like. I've learned how to close my eyes and go completely numb to everything to try to drown it all out. I've learned pure, unfiltered hatred, something I have never felt before in my life. I have learned that honest, healthy, absolute friendships can be the light at the end of the tunnel. I learned that when you are crying, the best person to be around is a friend that is ready to kick someones ass. I've learned how supportive and constant my parents are and how much I need them in my life. I've learned about my physical and emotional limits. I have learned to overcome my worst nightmares when they are actually happening to me. I learned how to drink. I learned to to drink with good friends. I learned how to set up a fish tank.



I'm going to be pretty honest. This summer has been extremely hard. I'm eager for it to be over. I'm eager for him to come home, but I'm also nervous. I don't want to see him. I'm scared of seeing him. I'm scared of everything that will happen after I see him.