Friday

I feel like I did when he left. I feel raw and hurt and really really sad. I just want to hold him in my arms again and sit and cry into my pillow. I just want to see him. I just want to see my husband. I feel like half of me has been ripped out and taken away. I dont' know how to fix that. I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do other than cry. I keep breathing and I take each second one at a time. I let the heartache take control because the more I deny it, the more I push it away, the stronger it gets and the weaker I become. If I face the sadness; if I handle it as it comes, I grow. I form the resistance and perseverance that I need to make it through this thing.

But oh dear god it hurts. It hurts so freaking bad.