So this is stupid and petty, yes. I'm well aware of that, but I still can't help it bothering me. So Jo had a baby. A beautiful, wonderful, perfect lovely baby and moved back to Indiana to be with her family while William is deployed. My mom adores this child. She coddles him and admires him and obsesses over him; as she should. I'm actually glad that she has, because my mom was extremely depressed because of my leaving home and with Jo leaving and the incedent with my Dad. A baby has been the perfect thing to keep the darkness at bay. Now for the stupid petty, pathetic shit.
I'm jealous. I'm jealous to the point of tears, my friends. My mom wants Jared to call her Lola. Grandma. Like Jo is her daughter. It's just a reminder to me that I haven't had her grandchild yet. Like Jo is the first one to have a baby and so making Jared her first grandchild. That hurts. That was supposed to be MY childs place. Not Jo's. I know it's so selfish. I know I'm a horrible bitch to feel like this because Jo has been nothing less than an amazing friend and sister to me, and my mother has been like a mother to her in more ways than I can count. I feel shame when I feel this jealousy because if the situations were reversed, Jo wouldn't feel like this. She is a phenominal person and I definitely don't deserve to be her cousin, especially not her sister.
Maybe Jared will be the first one to call your mom that but nothing takes the place of your first child. Your mom will still have lots of love for your baby when you finally have one eventually. I don't blame you for feeling jealous. I would be too... Hope your day gets better as it goes on... On the upside, you'd be "aunt Chrissy" to Jo's baby...
ReplyDeleteThat is true. I'm always up for more nieces or nephews *nudge Natalie*
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's wrong to feel that way at all. In fact, I think it's completely normal. I know I would certainly be upset if I were in your position. But, just remember... if it came right down to it, you know your mom would always favor you over Jo. And that's because she is your actual mother. I can say this with ease because I am a mother now, and I know I could never love another child as a daughter as much as I do Autumn.
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