Strength

So, I've begun the necessary mental preparation for deployment #3. Wow. Saying that just boggles my mind. We've only been married for three years and he's already going on his third deployment. Scary. It actually makes me cringe, thinking about what this deployment is going to do to our marriage. The last one was just...well, let's not go there. I'll just say that it was devastating. It put a rift between us that I'm afraid is just getting larger. In all honesty, I'm trying my hardest to communicate with Jordan. I'm trying to understand him and be open and supportive to the best of my capability. But I'm not sure that it's enough to make it work. I want to go to a marriage councelor, but every time I bring it up, it immediately gets shot down because he has already convinced himself that it will not benefit us. Even though we're not fighting all the time, there's still this gap between us. It's just so frustrating because we aren't on the same page. I'm trying to do everything that I can to fix it, but I'm afraid that it just isn't going to be enough. I need to pull some strength out of my ass for this one, because I can already hear it cracking and it's going to crumble.