I didn't really have a good day. It's kinda sucky sometimes how you can find yourself really hoping for something, something small, something large, whatever, and the more you think about it, the more you roll it around in your head, the more you start to savor the flavor in your mind, the more you start to like it. The more you start to really hope that it's going to happen. You start to think, "God, finally. I'm on the right track. I'm actually going somewhere," Then, BAM. you find out that it's not going to happen. The only metaphore I can think of would be blowing out a candle. Just like that. Poof. God, this is my life isn't it? Up and down, up and down, up....and down again. Constantly shifting. I mean this is the reality. Shit happens. I'm supposed to be more versatile. I'm a military wife, right? I'm supposed to be this supernaturally flexible being who can instantly adjust her life to the ebb and flow of fate and circumstance. Fuck that. I'm tired of that. I'm lost. Right now, I can't flex back. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know what's going to happen to us. I feel lost and confused and scared and Jordan is doing nothing to help or support me. He's off doing his own thing and seems completely oblivious to my life corrupted.
Yeah this is really all over the place. I just need a place to vent. Sorry.
your blogs really teach me alot like to be calm and to stay calm at times when you need to. you are so level headed i look up to it.
ReplyDeleteIm 17 and engaged to a US Marine. i dont know anyone who is married to a marine or anyone my age in my situation. its hard because my fiannce is currently in Japan.
and dont worry about the venting its what a blog is for :)