He's a completely different person than the person who left me two months ago. Just talking to him on Skype, I can't help but looking at him with this, who are you expression on my face. How am I supposed to take that? How am I supposed to handle him being a completely different person? A person who doesn't make me happy, a person who I don't even know! He says we can't fix this until he comes home. How can you postpone a conversation for four months? It's going to get worse, we're going to forget, and it's going to get so much worse than it already is. He says he still loves me, he loves the idea of me being happy with him and he loves who we used to be. But I'm scared we can't go back to that.
He doesn't make me happy anymore. I have grown to associate my husband with sadness and stress and when I think about what I want in my life, it's not him. Of course I want it go back to the way we used to be, but I can't force it! We have to fall in love with each other again. I have no idea how, but we're going to have to figure it out. This is the first time in our relationship that we have had to evaluate how we feel about each other. This is the first time that we have to think aobut how much we want each other and how we see each other. We've never had to do that before. We've always needed each other for our happiness. I never predicted that the day would come when he doesn't make me happy.
I'm not giving up until I know with an absolute positivity that we have no hope with each other. But I'm not going to continue on with my life with someone who can't make me happy. No matter how much I love him.
Im sorry hun. If you ever need to talk you can just send me a text and come on over.
ReplyDeletei know what it's like to suddenly not know who your husband is. it's hard. people change over time and when you're not spending time together you grow apart a bit...you have to come back together, work together, re-commit to making it work. as long as you love each other it will all work out - don't forget you love each other!
ReplyDeletemarriage is the hardest job in the world and a constant work in progress, ALL the time! if you ever need to vent or talk or anything feel free to e-mail or call.