Wow

Tomorrow is the big day. Tonight I will be spending my last night of this deployment alone. That sounds so surreal. I can't even imagine him being home again. I sort of feel like the joke is on me, like someone is about to pull the rug out from under me. That sounds silly, I know.
I've learned so much from this deployment, about being independent and caring for myself and the responsibilities it is to take care of two animals, care for the house, and to have a job. I've reorganized my priorities and in a nutshell, discovered who I am. I'm curious as to why it's taken me so long to do this and why it took Jordan leaving for 7 months for me to realize my own individuality. Whatever the reasoning, I do know who I am now; today; at this instant. It's a beautiful feeling. I know where I belong, alone, and with my husband.
It has been hard, so so very hard, but I've met new friends who understand my pain and are always there for me when I need them. I've built relationships that I never thought I would have before. I am so blessed to have all these people in my life.
When I close my eyes, the only thing I imagine is running into Jordans arms again. That is the only thing I want, that is the only thing I need right now. I love him now more than I have ever loved him before and that feeling is also, very amazing. I have realized Jordans passion for me and I love it so much. He is such a wonderful husband. There are no words to describe him.

And so, tonight is the last night of the first deployment in our marriage. I'm going to close the book on this chapter in my life and take what I learned into the newest chapter. It was a good experience over all, even though thinking back to the dark moments brings a chill to my spine. I learned a lot. I'm going to use it.